Yaadon ka storeroom

आज  यादों का storeroom खोला

हिम्मत का पत्थर मार  के

उसका वह ज़ंग लगा टाला तोड़ा

थोड़ा घबराते हुए उस अँधेरे में कदम बढ़ाया

 

डर किसी अंजान का नहीं था

क्यूँकि था तोह वह अपनी ही यादों का घरोंदा

डर था उस एक संदूक से टकराने का

जिसमें कुछ लम्हों को खुद से दूर कर के रखा था

वह लम्हें जो किसी और वक़्त की याद दिलाते थे

जो कुछ मासूम ख्वाहिशों की परछाई थे

जो कुछ बेबाक़ ख्यालों को पर देते थे

 

मैं संभलते हुए आगे बढ़ी

एक राह पड़े सन्दूक से टकराई

थोड़ी धूल हटी, यादोँ ने थोड़ी दस्तक दी

और हिम्मत ने ज़वाब दे दिया

Revisiting memories

Some doors are best not opened

 

Image source: Google Image search

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Holi after 11 years

Yes you read it right…i played holi after 11 years.

First some background. I used to play holi with my family, cousins (if they come over) and ofcourse my gang of friends. It was one of the most anticipated day of the year… day to play till afternoon, day when mom won’t chase me to take a bath and get ready ASAP, day when we all used to get even with each other for all the past grievances. Come January and all the quarrels end with, “Holi aane de…dekh lenge” 😀 Though I always hated the tell tale green-pink-blue face and nails after the holi, it helped in boasting to friends about how grand my holi was (I was just a kiddo yaar!)

And then I shifted to Delhi and Holi was never the same 😦

It took me a long time to adjust to Delhi which is mostly a ‘you mind your own biz and i mind mine’ kind of metro. Plus I was never much into making friends. That gang back home just happened coz i had been there since my early 9 years. Shifting here meant no friend circle and i didn’t make one. So no friends to play holi with.

The one holi when I did play some (thanks to a big bro who was super enthu about it) turned sour when I developed some kinda allergy to some colours…itchy and scratchy. Big bro got irritated since i refused to play along after that irrtation started. He poured one entire can of that grainy, green water colour (that pucca wala colour) on my head!!! IT took me 3 bloody hours to have all those green granules get out of my head via water. Ofcourse by the end of it, i was all green myself 😦 GAWD…how much i hated that…that weirdly painted face of mine that lasted for good week time! So that added to my resolve never to play holi again.  And it lasted well till last year. I used to buy colour on holi only to replenish my stock for diwali rangoli 😀

Last year I shifted to a newly coming up residential area on the outskirts of Delhi and this was 1st Holi here. Since everyone was new here, all were eager to make it special. Friend circle here was not an issue…coz the people closest to my age were atleast 6 years older then me and accompanied by ATLEAST one kid/infant. 😦

Still I was kinda dragged along and we played holi…it was fun 🙂 We made full use of the in-house swimming pool (which is otherwise quite inappropriate for swimming being surrounded by buildings) and spent hours in there feasting on thandai (no bhaang) and gujiya 🙂  Someone did manage to mess me up with some pucca colour but thanks to hours of constant water splashes, it got washed off on its own.

Overall it was a fun, colourful and nostalgic holi. Hope you all also had fun 🙂

Taking A Break

I think writing a blog suits me…everytime i start a new blog, I end up resigning from my existing job! And thats a good thing coz no point being stuck in something you dont like. Maybe blogging about even mundane things kinda clears out my thoughts and i think rationally 🙂

but the crux is that I RESIGNED.

All those with your eyes either rolling out of the sockets or going up in your skulls, take a walk. Yesss i resigned even in these though-to-get-a-job times. And please dont gimme the looks like my mom used to when I dint eat my veggies @ age 6. “You dont value it and thats y you are throwing it away. Think of the kids who dont have it!?!”

Notice period: 1 week. Ideally its 15 days but since I aint managing any current campaigns since my job profile change ( which actually happened coz there wrnt any projects to manage), so 1 week was enough ending this Friday.

Though it has been only 1 year and 6 months working here, it is unlikely that i would find another company like this one. Where else would you find 15 people working in a bare and barren room with just some work stations thrown in.

No dress code issues. Even our CFO used to dress in Jeans and mojaris on Mondays! Infact all those people who were looking for a job now are in a mess coz they have to wear formals…some of them dont even any formals left with  them! 😀

And work from home option available. Bottom line: As long as work is not hampered, noone cared what you did and how you did.

Freedom to the core.

It was not much of parties every weekend kinda office but we had our times like a party @ RPM, a potluck (or pool lunch as it is usually known) which we organised followed by Dumb Charades (that got some amazing pics too;)).

<sigh> Too bad they had to change my profile and put in me SALES! I am everything but a sales person…IMpatience is my middle name (also add stubborn, easily bugged etc.). I tried it but it simply wasnt working out so now I am on a cool break…and might as well brush some dirt off those PGDBA books that I got for my distance learning course.

Hang on…having a lot of time means you’ll get lot of posts from me. 😀

Saying Goodbye

Saying Goodbye

Comic(al) Train

August 2007

“Train number 58483 going from Delhi to Bhatinda is delayed by 40 minutes.” So blared the speaker of New Delhi Railway station (Im not sure about the train number and exact announcement.) We were waiting for other relatives to turn up and at the same time were keeping an eye on the whole gammot of suitcases and bags that we were carrying (close to a dozen!) It was my bhaiya’s engagement ceremony and we were going to Bhatinda.

I was secretly pleased with this train delay…believe it or not, I was going to travel by train after nearly 10 years. So this chuk chuk gaddi still retained its charm on me…everything about the station fascinated me. The chai-wala (station ki chai used to be notorious for being pathetic), the odd rustic smell that originates from god-knows-where, the coolie outfits, the announcements, sound of metal against metal as a train comes to a stop and blaring honking of the train….but my special favourite was the Wheeler stalls.

I was always fond of reading comics and Pran was my all time favourite. It was usually @ the station that mom used to buy me chacha choudhary comics when we used to go to nani’s place in summers. And ofcourse nanu used to buy me some more when we used to go for walks in the evenings.

So after close to a decade when I saw a bookshop I naturally couldn’t resist the urge to buy myself a comic. Ironically, I had a award winning book in my handbag that time and I was craving to read about the adventures of a bald and heavily moustached god-knows-how-many-years-old man and his 12 ft tall alien friend sabu :D:D

I went to the bookshop. The guy greeted me with a salesman smile and immediately showed me the novels and philosophical books section, Robin S Sharma, Paulo Coelho, Jon Grisham, Robin Cook etc etc. He asked me if I was looking for any specific writer.

Chacha chaudhary ki comic hai kya?

He was kinda surprised. Then he handed me a stack of 20-30 paged comics. And like any other sales guy, he couldn’t possibly believe that I know what I want the best so he went on suggesting me Archies and Tinkle and other variety of kiddie books that could have been bought.

Ye le lijiye. Aajkal bachche yehi padhte hain.” He pushed some unknown book towards me. I declined the offer but he insisted saying that my kid would surely love it! Here I was trying to re-live my childhood days and this guy was forcing me to face NOT the reality but a future…MY KIDS!!!

Bhaiya mujhe apne liye chahiye, bachcho ke liye nahi.” With that I quickly paid his money and went back to my parents and family.

But it was a trip worth making an effort for.

The year that was…

“So how was 2008 for you?”

Other then the “how was 31st eve?” OR “Any New year resolutions?”, people somehow never fail to ask this…whatI generally do is just smile and say something acceptable.

But I fail to give an adjective to this tulmutous year that went by.

Memories I can never let go of; Memories I am unable to let go of.

The moment of bliss, excitement, nervousness, fear all together ending with a feeling of unadultrated happiness and perfection.

Going to sleep with a content smile on my face and already-dreaming eyes.

Knowing that I am not alone and feeling good about it.

Smiling even while crying and knowing the reason behind it.

Seeing it all shatter but still waiting for some one to come and say that it was only a dream.

Trying to find reasons not to believe.

Working with a vengeance I never knew was possible in me.

A moment of elation with appreciation more than I dared to hope. Followed by disappointment that it cudnt be shared with all those who mattered to me..not all.

Seeing my cherished hope for months coming to life and then brutally getting shattered..all in a 2 minutes time.

Reading about a crisis in papers and feeling bad for those unknown people facing it. Going to office and seeing my friends face the same.

Insecurity.

Fear.

Apprehension.

Hoping that I have learned never to hope again…knowing all along its futile.

Ignoring phone calls, SMSes, Messenger pings…and actually not feeling bad about it.

Spending some time with myself…asking questions I dint really want to hear and trying to figure out the answers.

<sigh>

The year that was…