Fate is coward

You are reveling in a sense of peace
that your destination is in sight
that you have found what you was looking for
A home.
A place to be.
to be YOU.
When you have something good, you get fear of loosing it.
But when you are sure and secure in knowledge that you won’t,
comes peace.
Aah it’s beautiful! So comfortable. So calming.
Like a mother’s embrace
Like sun rays early morning
And you close your eyes and spread your arms
Throw your head back
And you revel in that sense of peace.

Fate is coward.
It attacks when your back is turned.
No. Worse.
It attacks when your have kept your arms and your walls are down
thinking war is over.

A decade old truth

It was raining that evening. The on-going unassuming drizzle-ish rain that doesn’t ask for your attention and just let’s you be.
She always considered their friendship akin to this light rain.
Comfortable. Silent. Soothing.
They were sitting in the balcony.
Pack of smokes done with.
It was day 3 of the smoke- marathon.
It seemed something was on his mind. She didn’t ask. She never did.
She liked the silence.

“We have been friends for a real long time”
“Did you know I fell in love with you?”
“Ofcourse you did.”
“I’m serious.”
“Ofcourse you are. I also love you. You have been there for me always.”
“You aren’t getting it. I really am in love with you.”
“You are married. you have two kids”
“Yes. And I do love my wife too. But I love you too”

Rain grew a bit heavy. Accompanied by lightening.

She heard him. If that means that the sound waves entered her brain via her ears.
She knew what it meant.
But she didn’t really get it. She thought married men were safe.

Taking her silence for… don’t really know what, her continued unloading himself of this secret that he has been carrying for all these years.
How he thinks about her.

He doesn’t love me. He just thinks he does. Silly man. He is protective about me. That’s it.
Thinking it is all figured out, she calmed down and let him vent.
Half the time she was not even listening.

Rain wasn’t heavy anymore but it was noticable now. Wind was blowing the rain in the balcony now.
She didn’t like it. She didn’t move.

“I used to delete our messages and call logs time to time. Didn’t want her to see them and think something else.”
“Why there was nothing wrong in them. I never felt anything for you so.. nothing.”
“Yes I know but still. I didn’t want her to worry”

Somewhere in the back of her head, a niggling thought started pushing through.
He stopped talking. There was silence.
She didn’t like it.

She asked him to leave. He did.
She felt icky. Like your feet would feel in a shoe drenched in dirty water from a puddle.
She thought back to all those years of friendship and long conversations sharing wine in a parking lot.
With the filter of realities unveiled tonight, it all looked very different.
she didn’t like it.
Like she didn’t like the rain also anymore.


Misplaced Belief

Its thick branches bent in submission by gravity

Were coming towards me

To bless me or to curse me, I didn’t know

Towering over everything around it

Nature, Man and God alike

It intimidated with its stature and spread

And all bowed to it

Praying for it to save them from evil

And deliver their wishes

Bestowed with scarlet vermillion threads

It stood strong secure in its power over the mankind

As if challenging the very nature

It was a bitter monsoon morning,

After a night of roaring thunder

A sound of commotion drove me out

Anxious voices filled with dejection and sorrow

Were moving in a direction

I followed

That banyan tree that was their savior

That fulfilled their wishes

Had bowed down to nature’s attack

Burned by Zeus’s lightening thunder

It was hollow

I felt the same.


Banyan Tree


Source: Google Image search

Yaadon ka storeroom

आज  यादों का storeroom खोला

हिम्मत का पत्थर मार  के

उसका वह ज़ंग लगा टाला तोड़ा

थोड़ा घबराते हुए उस अँधेरे में कदम बढ़ाया


डर किसी अंजान का नहीं था

क्यूँकि था तोह वह अपनी ही यादों का घरोंदा

डर था उस एक संदूक से टकराने का

जिसमें कुछ लम्हों को खुद से दूर कर के रखा था

वह लम्हें जो किसी और वक़्त की याद दिलाते थे

जो कुछ मासूम ख्वाहिशों की परछाई थे

जो कुछ बेबाक़ ख्यालों को पर देते थे


मैं संभलते हुए आगे बढ़ी

एक राह पड़े सन्दूक से टकराई

थोड़ी धूल हटी, यादोँ ने थोड़ी दस्तक दी

और हिम्मत ने ज़वाब दे दिया

Revisiting memories

Some doors are best not opened


Image source: Google Image search

Over A Cup Of Coffee

I don’t know how I missed it earlier. Maybe coz I was an avid coffee aficionado earlier- too engrossed in my hot cuppa to notice people around me. But yesterday while idlly sipping a cup of coffee last eve with a friend I noticed the varied section of audience that a coffee shop like Barista or Cafe Coffee Day n all cater to. These are the ones I noticed yesterday evening.

1. Ones who need a room- desperately
I mean seriously man…I have read the coffee is a great aphrodisiac but it surely can’t be that strong that you need to explore the deep end of your partner’s throat right in the coffee shop.

2. The Shopping Spree Aunties
They’ll be hogging one of the couches in the coffee shop (if not that, they’ll be sitting on the table right towards the exit) surrounded with atleast a dozen of shopping bags between them. Sipping on decaf coffee with slim milk, they’ll be reminiscing on the best deals they grabbed.

3. Meet the bride
This is a relatively newer segment that has hopped on the coffee shop wagon. While previously the arranged marriage meeting used to be at home over a cup of tea (that still happens though- read it here), the more so called modern people now prefer to meet on a neutral ground over a cup of coffee. It is as easy as a neon light mark to spot these people. Usually a group of minimum 6 people (average 8), half of them would be there early and other half would come later. The girl is a little too decked up and too quiet for a coffee shop environment. They’ll sit in one corner and usually have to join couple of tables to accomodate everyone.

4. The Workoholics
These ones either don’t have an office or are hogging the free wifi. They will have big cup of coffee with them and their face so bent on their iPAD or laptop screen that you fear onset of spondylitis for them.

5. The ‘cool’ bunch of college kids
Aah Nostalgia striketh. Average group of about 6, they will be the noisiest group sitting in the center. Number of coffee cups would usually be lesser than number of people sitting. The sole objective of sitting in the coffee shop is to plan the next destination- rather noisily

6. The Content Reader
They love coffee and they love solitude. One cup of nice coffee, a quiet corner and a good book. Unfortunately due to above mentioned elements, noise comes part of package. Though good at loosing themselves in the book at hand, you would see them glance at the noisiest bunch at times.

7. The Amused Observer
Yup, that’s yours truely. Sitting in the coffee shop coz my friend craved for a cup. Enjoying the conversation as much as the observations around me. A good coffee is part of the package but not something that holds complete attention. Coffee might not bring me to a coffee shop but the people- always will.


Did I miss anyone?


World passed by, as I saw it over steam of my coffee


Source: GettyImages.in


The Tea Tray Meeting

“Be sure to be home this weekend. We have guests coming over”, my mom decreed on our alternate day mandatory phone call. “Who is coming? And when are they coming- Saturday or Sunday? I was planning to catch a movie” I pouted on phone. I hate guests coming over. All the namaste and making tea and asking questions you don’t really care about. Bleh!

“They are parents of a guy we are considering for you. We went to their place last weekend and now they want to come home and meet you. Don’t be difficult about it. It’s gonna be just his parents.”

Wha…Ho…I don…Hmph!

Over years you learn to choose your battles with your parents. I knew I had no hope of salvaging my weekend so I gave in and focused on negotiating the details.

Dress up: Mom wanted saree or at the very least suit. I wanted jeans and a nice Tee (One I had in mind proudly claimed ‘Happily Unmarried’). We settled on jeans and kurta combo. Also, I refused a hair styling session at next door parlor.

Hospitality: I put my foot down on the classic scene of getting a tray of water/tea/juice/snacks or anything for the guests. We settled on me entering when refreshments have been served.

Conversation: I had a list of questions I would have asked about their son (simple stuff really like does he know to cook) It was promptly snatched away from me. O well. Other than that I was instructed not to talk too much or too loud.

And so finally the day arrived. I got dressed in our decided outfit. On a whim I sent the pic to my girl gang on watsapp who promptly recommended a change of color (Go for pink. Green isn’t your color)

Bell Rang and I was asked to wait in the room. Deprived of sight, my hearing power worked overtime. First task was to identify number of people. Two…no wait, Three. What are they talking? Route taken to reach destination, how this area has developed over years etc. Yawn…boring stuff. I wished it to be more interesting. And bang! It just did.

Awkward Moment #1: Mom comes in the room and announces that Mr. wanna-be-my-husband has also turned up. Along with this news mom delivered a disclaimer that she had no idea about this and is as shocked as me. My first thought….I will not do the ‘beta you go in the other room and talk in privacy’. No stranger is going to enter my room. Mom assured that this will not happen.

Awkward Moment #2: Guy was wearing a three piece suit! I mean, who wears a tux…didn’t seem like he did coz it didn’t really fit him well. But here was I in my uber casual kurti-jeans and he in corporate formals.

Awkward Moment #3: So he, his mom and his dad were sitting on the couch (in that order). When I entered his father immediately vacated his place but I smartly insisted that he sit there only. But the moment I got up for something, he sat at my place leaving me to sit…yes next to his wife and son on the couch. Why it was so important? No idea.

Awkward Moment #4: His father was sort of holding the court and was sitting to my right. He was sitting to my left so obviously I was focused more on my right. His father pointed to his wife (who was sitting between us) that she should let ‘these kids’ discuss things. So she promptly got up and shifted to a chair which left me and him and a whole wide berth of awkwardness.

We didn’t talk much. He asked about my work and flaunted some faulty knowledge that he supposedly had about my field. So that was the only thing we spoke, me being more interested in his father’s discussion topic (how facebook and twitter have changed the communication these days).

Overall it wasn’t all that bad…but something that I would prefer not to repeat ever again. What if I cannot escape from private discussion!?!

Comfort Zone

Wikipedia defines comfort zone as “…a type of mental conditioning that causes a person to create and operate mental boundaries. Such boundaries create an unfounded sense of security.” Human beings by nature seek a comfort zone. And its true for all aspects of our life-relationships, work, our physical work n many others. About a year back I was forced to confront the fact that my life is practically ruled by laws laid down by my comfort zone in every aspect of my life. And I decided to change it- one thing at a time. I resigned from my cozy comfy job. Being in media, there is actually nothing called cozy comfy but after working on same brand for 3 years, I had a good understanding of the work with little surprises. Things ran almost on an auto pilot.

So I moved out of there and joined another company…its been 6 months and I’m still trying to find my groove here. Its scary- from a sure position to a completely unknown environment. What makes it worse is that when I was moving out, I did not think it will be this tough- I somehow assumed that there will be a ready void that I would conveniently fill in…stupid eh. But I forgot that voids are always hidden. There are days I don’t feel like going to office, there are days when I almost regret the decision and think of all the people who are comfortably working 6 years+ in same company- they don’t feel this itch…what was I thinking to leave a steady thing and move?? It all comes back to my comfort zone. It doesn’t end with you moving out of it, its inertia also tries to lure you back. You are plagued with doubts and regrets- and there is no solution to these. So far I am not giving in. Its not going the way I originally envisioned but it will work out in the end.

Comfort Zone

1 week of chill

While going through my old posts, I came across one that i wrote three years back when i had joined my last firm.
And now when I have come full circle and again in my first week of a new job I can’t help but draw parallels between the two.

My travelling has increased since my new company is a good 40 km away from home. I have to take a city metro which takes me 2 hours to reach office.
First impression was good when i got a snazzy new Thinkpad 🙂 🙂 the workstations are spacious and even the cafeteria and washrooms (big pain points of my old company) are much improved.
Its been a week and a half and i havent done any work ..no I’m not being a lazy bum. People around me have so much to do that no one has time to brief me on anything!!
So contrary to my previous one week of grind, I had one week of super chill time.

Looking at the team, I know it’s not gonna last (and frankly its kinda boring too) but for now, I do have time to give to my blog 🙂